I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
