If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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