we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
