I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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