Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
