Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
