walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He shit in the fireplace
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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