On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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