We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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