everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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