i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
