Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
