She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
this boner is exhausting
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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