In the future we'll all be gay
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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