so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
