A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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