let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
