she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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