oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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