I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
