MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
