and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
