I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
