I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
