oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
