I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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