You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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