We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
