Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
