I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
