I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
