yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I have feelings that need drinking.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
