smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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