Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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