Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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