You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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