my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
