I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
