Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
