I wish my penis had an off switch
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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