I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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