i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
