apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
