my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
