I cut my penus on the lid.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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