If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
