I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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