Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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