Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
