I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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