Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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