I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
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