We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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